Enough

Just the other day I met a sweet friend for dinner, at Olive Garden.  While we sat visiting over our desserts, a large group of girls arrived.  They looked to be high school age, or possibly early college, and they caught our attention because they were wearing black dresses with pantyhose and heels, in spite of the snow and ice on the ground and the 5 degree temps.  And when it comes to those dresses, most of them were the little black dress variety, with the emphasis firmly placed on "little".

Most of these girls had opted for very short, stretchy, snug fitting dresses that just barely covered their bottoms.  From our table, we witnessed a steady parade of these girls making the arduous journey from their table to the restrooms, and back.  And it was an arduous journey.  Some of them were visibly limping in their heels, as they looked at their cell phones, tugged their dresses down, and tried so hard to look like they dressed that way all the time.  They were clearly not comfortable -- physically or emotionally -- with their appearance.  My friend and I watched the show, smiled a bit, thinking "Oh very young...", and making comments like "How did their parents let them out of the house dressed like that?"

But looking back on that black dress dinner on that frigid night, I can't help just feeling sad.  Isn't it sad that those young women felt compelled  to dress in such an uncomfortable, provocative way?

I recently read an article about a study that concluded women who wear high heels are perceived as more attractive by men, and get attention from men quicker.  Is that what it is about?  Getting attention from men? Or is it wanting respect and admiration from other women?  Or do women just want that badly to fit in?

I certainly have nothing against looking pretty.  Girls should be able to wear cute little dresses.  But there has got to be a line between looking pretty, and looking like like somebody's sexual fantasy.  A guy that doesn't notice you in some cute little ballet flats and modest dress that hits a few inches above your knee isn't a guy worth having.

Why can't we raise girls that are secure enough with their value as human beings and children of God that they can resist the pull of these superficial things, girls that are strong-minded enough to say "Yes, I will dress pretty if I feel like it, but I will be comfortable too"?

I have no answers for you.  Such a heavy burden rests on the shoulders of young moms and dads today.  If you are raising a precious daughter, realize that you are shaping her self image, and her standard of beauty, both by your example, and by the things you admire and aspire to.  Be sure you are sending the message:  "You are beautiful, and you are enough."

From my heart,
Joni

Do Nothing

I have a sweet and wise friend, a widow, who once said to me "Joni, the thing is, in life we all need somebody to just do nothing with."  It's so true.  Most of us have friends that would go on a trip with us, go out to dinner with us, go to a movie with us, that would be there for us in times of crisis.  But the majority of our lives -- our minutes, hours and days -- are not spent doing those things.  The truth is that we all have a lot time where we sit around just being lazy, or doing ordinary, unremarkable things.  You know, the things that are so mundane you would annoy your Facebook friends if you posted about them.  These are not things we would do with just anybody -- reading a book, watching the first season of Gilmore Girls for the 26th time, painting our nails, reading our Facebook newsfeed, sorting through recipes we hope to someday actually make, or the ultimate nothing, napping.  (Yes!!)

It takes a certain level of intimacy to "do nothing" with someone.  Usually these "nothing" moments are shared with someone who knows our whole twisted, meandering story, and loves us anyhow.  These people, these partners-in-nothing are our spouses, our sons, our daughters, our sisters, our brothers, or for a lucky few, a lifelong friend.  These people are the ones who are as familiar and comfortable as a soft old pair of jeans.  And even if they are faded, and have a few holes, we know they are irreplaceable.

As a single person whose children are grown and out writing chapters in their own books now, I look back and treasure those times of doing nothing.  When you next have the joy of doing nothing with your precious loves, just savor it and be grateful.

From my heart,
Joni